Category Archives: Weird Wide Web

Weekly Tweets for 2010-07-11

  • Watching "Army of Darkness." Klaato Verada Nikto, indeed… #
  • Very discouraged right now… #
  • Things are looking up, just a little. My horror-scope sez changes are a-comin' around, and soon. Either a light or a train… #
  • RT @Gorillamonk wait, why ARE we calling it an oil spill? it's coming out of the ground! | its a oil ejaculation! ;) #
  • The lightning bugs are out, so are the prehistoric pteradactyl skeeters! Where's my hammer? #
  • "I was madder than a one legged waitress at the IHOP…" #
  • Acquisition of Flying J by Pilot Truckstops complete. If a J and a Pilot are too close, one magically turns into a Loves, apparently. #
  • RT @OpieRadio: I have broken out my secret weapon for my unfollow @aplusk campaign! Meet @kelleyiskelley click #
  • I'm in the truckstop right next to the "largest truckstop in the world!" Brush with fame, or just plain lame? #YouMakeTheCall #
  • Dummies at the truckstop, taking the dog out to pee in the pouring rain. Can you see the lightning out there you morons?!? #
  • Down for the weekend in Oh-my-fricking-gawd-hi-oh. Joy… #

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Weekly Tweets for 2010-07-04

  • I'm awake and rolling this morning. Wishing I was still in bed. There is just something… wrong… about mornings. C'mon caffeine! #
  • In my job as a trucker, I just made four little kids whole day because of my cargo… On to Canada! #
  • Back in the USSA, you don't how lucky you are, yay! Back in the US… Back in the US… Back in the USSA! Oh, those Detroit girls really… #
  • At the Pilot in Cloud, MN and its a beautiful day. But having freight to run would be even better. I don't want to spend the weekend here… #
  • 2:22 #
  • Chicago approves tough new handgun restrictions | Recent Supreme Court decision be damned. #
  • Still hanging out, stuck here til Tuesday. Only so much scratching of "peculiars" before one gets sore. Unrelated: I'm bored shytless… #

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Weekly Tweets for 2010-06-27

  • NEWS: Phone call about taxes a life-saver for Ky. man #
  • RT @Gorillamonk I want a vuvuzela! someone make that happen. | There's an app for that… ;) #
  • RT @weselec: I forgot to put my kids under my pillow and now they're still here and Father's Day is RUINED. #
  • RT @iowahawkblog: Happy Fathers Day… to ME. All who have issued from my loins are hereby commanded to do my bidding! #
  • RT @ShitMyDarthSays: "Its Father's Day, so for once can we not talk about the time I told you I was your father and then cut off your arm?" #
  • Folks weren't here waiting for my freight. Guess I'm parked till morning… #
  • RT @FartSandwich Managed to superglue both index fingers to my thumbs. There's a joke in here somewhere, but was too busy giving the OK sign #
  • iN Charlotte, will soon pickup an O/D toward the house. Cool beans… #
  • Bored, listening to #Worldcup futbol… #usable #alg #
  • Yeah, I'm home!!! #
  • "Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers." – Soh-crates #
  • "The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead" – Al Einstien #
  • WHERE'S MY PIZZA?!1?!eleven!?>? #
  • "Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws." – Play Doh #
  • Win a new Canon 5D MK II or $2500 of photo scans from @scancafe & Scott Bourne. Pls RT. Info at: #

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Weekly Tweets for 2010-06-20

  • Indiana load diverted to Pennsyl-tucky. 500 more miles to go… #
  • Doing the "wait 4 freight dance" again. Actually, less like dance and more like "me laying around bored scratching my peculiars." #
  • When I let my hair grow out, it looks like a combed with a swirlee every morning. The parts that ain't bald pate. that is… #
  • Down at a NY state service area. At one point I was surrounded by hipsters. Poofed hair and capri pants (on dudes!). I feel old. #
  • Listened to Bill Bryson's "A Short History of Nearly Everything." Learned the earth is even better at extinguishing life than supporting it. #
  • Re: The hipsters. My nose is dead, years of smoking. Are they supposed to smell like that? Can't identify, it was just wrong… #
  • "Tommy can you hear meme? Can't you hear meme hear you…" #
  • Dammit, no music notes on my cell phone keyboard. I got £, ¤, © and ¥, but no music notes… (sigh) Stupid phone… #
  • Top music artists on my fauxPod: Clutch, Screaming Trees, Queens Of The Stone Age, Offspring, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden. What's your's? #
  • RT @ihuntmidgets Fuck Basketball. This message will self destruct in thirty seconds. | What I would give for a satellite outage… #
  • So… Which city is going to burn tonight? LA or Boston? Nuke 'em both from orbit, only way to be sure. #nba #
  • Smelled sulfur and brimstone last night, thought the devil was after me but it was just 4 dying batteries on my truck… dammit. #
  • Somebody gave me the wrong freight. Joy… Rapture even… I'd be pissed if this wasn't "same stink, different smell" all over again. #
  • Three cases of bad luck today, a new personal record! Whose cosmic cheerios did I piss in to deserve this suck-ass karma? #
  • RT @RightGirl I love how LA is canceling 4th of July fireworks, for fear of sparks igniting the oil. It amuses me. | Ignorance is funny. #

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Weekly Tweets for 2010-06-13

  • Time warping thru today, naps keep sneaking up on me. Trying to keep an ear out for banjo music. Pennsyl-tucky is crawling with them. #
  • One of them NASCAR trucks (#88) pulled into the truckstop. A half dozen truckers ran out of their rigs to snap pictures. Race in Pocono? #
  • A line of #NASCAR car haulers, driving by on I80. The rednecks are restless. No banjos heard yet. Only a matter on time, tho… #
  • Waiting for permits to get straightened out so I could run again. I need to get out of Pennsyl-tucky soon. #
  • Good morning all! Its a lovely day in Newark! And the sooner I get my freight on, the sooner I can get the flock outta here… #
  • Spent most of yesterday in Newark, waiting for people to pay their bills so I could run their freight. Should be in IL by now, not Ohio… #
  • Just wasted 2/3 of a can of roast beef hash. Love the stuff, but right now my stomach ain't diggin' it… #
  • Hanging out in the lovely town of Peculiar, MO. I'll be on my guard all week, no telling whats gonna happen in the peculiar place… #
  • RT @SauronsBlog: NEW SAURON'S BLOG: It's a Fixer-Upper, But I Think I'll Take It. #lotr #lordoftherings #
  • I'm so bored I'm considering an America Pie DVD triple feature… oof… #
  • Still here… Never followed thru on my triple feature America Pie threat. But its still here… waiting… (gulp) #
  • The torrential rains have passed, the heat and humidity are climbing back up. Whaddya think? Sweat my BBs off, of run the AC? #
  • Monday AM pickup turned into a Sunday PM appointment. Good deal. Now to bed… And before I forget #Worldcup #Blows #

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Weekly Tweets for 2010-06-06

  • After my triumphant return to the fabulous HomeTown, I'm waiting for freight. Must get back out there and get some paying miles. Joy… #
  • 11:12 #
  • Picking up in Paducah tomorrow AM. I know I need to be back on the road to make money, but I miss home already. #
  • Troubleshot the strobes on my trailer. Last doofus who replaced my taillights must have fragged the switch. Resorting to twisting wires. #
  • Picked up "something" near KY Lake and running it to Joisey. Don't know exactly what it is other than just less than 12' wide. Mystery… #
  • I think it has something to do with trees… Hmmm…. #
  • Some Chicken Fajita soup with extra rice and its off to bed… Later! #
  • Is Betty White the last Golden Girl standing? Well, we know she can take a tackle… #
  • I'm just hanging out… BETTER TUCK IT BACK IN! Comedy, comin' atcha! I'll be here all weekend! Seriously, I'm stuck here till Monday… #
  • Telling "war stories" in the parking lot of the Pilot here in PA. I don't know their names, they don't know mine. Just jaw-jacking. #
  • I'm the Mayor of this shithole truckstop you Foursquare maggots! And I say its "Take A Nap At Work Day!" Gawd, I am bored to tears… #
  • . @TerenceSmelser not on 4sq, not even sure what it is… I just woke up covered in sweat and twittered. Ain't the Intarwebtubes grand? in reply to TerenceSmelser #
  • Love it when tweeps stack twibbons, flags, etc on their avatar. I got a 1/4" square on my twitter client to see all your "flair." So TGIF… #

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Weekly Tweets for 2010-05-30

  • Professor and Maryann are running the whole thing from a secret bunker. The ghost of Gilligan is the smoke monster, #lostspoilers #
  • The Skipper is the Man in Black, back from the dead and a unsuccessful European tour as a Johnny Cash impersonator. #LostSpoilers #
  • Bernard and Rose? Thurston and Lovey via the Witness Protection Program, LOST it all to Enron. #LostSpoilers #
  • Ginger is Jack's real mother. And @DarthVader was his father! #LostSpoilers #
  • Last one… Sawyer knocks the heels of his spangled ruby pumps together, wakes up and gives us all a civics lesson. #LostSpoilers #
  • Did I miss something? Was Magnum PI on? DAMMIT! It was the one where a Zero rolls over and pins him for a week wasn't it! DOUBLE DAMMIT!! #
  • Started off day by being chased out of parking lot I was unloading in. People I was delivering to DIDN'T clear it with property owners. #
  • Eating Little Debbie Nutty Bars and drinking root beer in Rogers, MN. Got a load to pickup in the am. Yey! #
  • RT @joerogan Just in time for summer: sunscreens may accelerate cancer! What's next, sleeping causes insomnia? #
  • Another legal load magically turns over-dimensional. I'm in South St. Paul waiting for permits. Joy… #
  • RT @drivergeoff Eeeeeeeekkkk! I grabbed a nut up..instead of a loca mocha… sumbich => Them nut ups are nasty, aren't they? #
  • RT @moegreeb Once broke 3 ribs doing the Safety Dance. It was as painful as the swarm of fire ants while dancing to Pour Some Sugar On Me. #
  • Where am I? #
  • Free incoming faxes and any flavor of Arizona tea in 23 oz cans. Kinda liking this #truckstop #
  • Thought I heard an onion singing BeeGees in the fridge, but it was just a chive talking… (via @5teven) #
  • #WalMart is selling 16 gb #iPhone 3gs's for half price just in front of the 4g release? Might be time to get one… #
  • And oh, I forgot… FUCK #IDOL You kareoke singing shitbags… Get a haircut, get a job! AND GET OUTTA MY YARD, MEDDLING KIDS!! (grump) #
  • Welcome to Shitzburgh, OH, home of the world's crappiest WiFi service. Population: One ungruntled trucker… #
  • Update on half price #iPhone 3gs at WalMart. Stores will have 10 each. Sale starts at midnight. Guess who's probably NOT getting one… #
  • Last time I remember being gruntled… 3rd grade and Miss Philips, bust math teacher who made me feel all "funny" inside. True story! #
  • RT @dontsaveher i wanna watch a goofy type movie. something to make me laugh like shit. => Tropical Thunder, good laughs there. #
  • RT @MyBottlesUp can someone give me another phrase for "addicted to" please? | Jonesing for? #
  • Where the hell did I put my glasses?! (I really did just do that… sigh) #
  • Listening to truck drivers bitching about parking, fueling and each other while I wait for freight home… Not so much fun, akchuly… #
  • #Farted in my truck 2 hours ago, still smelling it. "Dang, that's some hangtime! Woo Hoo!" But, no. I have parked over a sewer manhole. #
  • On one hand, glad its not me smelling like that. One the other, that fart would have been a serious contender in competition! #
  • Eating breakfast at the iHop. The "i" make seem Apple runs it. #

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Weekly Tweets for 2010-05-23

  • Are there roadrunners in WI? I think I just ran one over accidentally. I feel like Wile E. Coyote… MEEP, MEEP mother-effer! #
  • RT @hoosiergirl: Never trust a mechanic with one clean finger. #
  • Camera Bag Twitter Contest from Lowepro and #ishotyourband #LOWEPRO #
  • Velveeta Shells and Cheese is the FOOD O' TH' GAWDS, and I'll go all FATWA on anyone who disagrees. I sure could use some now… (sigh) #
  • A fellow driver just transferred a free shower card to me here at the Loves in IN. I'm in sore need of one… maybe it shows… ;) #
  • What do you call people who are fascinated by different kinds of flashlights? Am I a "flashophiliac?" I have 5 in my truck, looking at # 6. #
  • RT @abrevi8: Feed a cold, starve a Bieber. #
  • Nice view you got there! Where? RT @drivergeoff: #
  • RT @benmarvin: I just posted "How do I find answers using" on Yahoo Answers. Stand by while the internet divides itself by zero. #
  • RT @deadvoter: We had a Justin Bieber in our day, his name was Leif Garrett #
  • RT @emzanotti: Justin Bieber is Canada's way of invading the US. There should be a UN resolution against this. #
  • RT @ruthakers: I just looked directly into Justin Biebers eyes. WHAT DOES TEEN HEARTHROBS WHO LOOK LIKE WOMEN PROTOCOL SAY TO DO NOW? #
  • Getting a PM done at the TurdAmerica, London, OH. What a craphole this place is… #
  • RT @RightGirl: Global Warming has finally come to Canada. In other words, Summer. => I knew it was all Canada's fault… ;) #
  • What the hell is so great about "flying fucks" that no one will give them away? Where do you get them in the first place? #
  • The Harry Potter Broom: Few years ago, I saw the Amazon reviews for the thing. All the tween girls (and a few boys) were really digging it. #
  • Check out for the cached Harry Potter Amazon reviews… #
  • RT @TedInJest: If a pig loses its voice, does it become disgruntled? #
  • Cranked up the new version of #TouchTwit on my HTC Pure. Old version was OK, had misc errors. Still best Twitter Client for WinMobile #
  • I'm following these 343 people, but they're not following me back. — bummer #
  • And with a brutal pruning of my Twitter non-followbackers, I'm spent. Must drive a little bit tomorrow. Goodnight, twitches… #

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Weekly Tweets for 2010-05-16

  • Back on the road, spending the night in Oh-Hi-Oh-my-farging-lawd-why-hast-thou-forsaken-me… For Sale: One Ohio, slightly soiled. Cheap. #
  • What could be more fun than loading a flatbed truck in a driving thunderstorm? Root canals, IRS audits, shytting your pants in public? #
  • Win a new Canon 1DMKIV or $5000 of photo printing/product from @WHCCPro & Scott Bourne. Pls RT. Info at: #
  • Win a MAC Group Photo Essentials Package worth $2285 from @MACgroup & Scott Bourne. Pls RT. Info at: #
  • At a Huddle House in FL, fixing to eat a nice breakfast before I go to bed. Ah, the life of a trucker… #
  • .@TerenceSmelser Will be running round Atlanta on the way to points nort, as in Wisscansin… in reply to TerenceSmelser #
  • "Don't you know the crime rates going up, up , Up, Up, UP! To live in this town you must be tough, tough, tough, tough, tough, tough! #
  • Bored, waiting for the sunrise. Think I'll watch Alien, then Aliens… again. DVD on the laptop saves the day… or night. #

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Three Wolf Moon

And oldie but a goodie, customer reviews for the “Three Wolf Moon” t-shirt on Amazon. My favorite review…

I have experienced many highs in my life. The scratch-off lottery ticket I purchased in lieu of a bottle of Boone’s Farm that resulted in $500 spending cash. The used black Camaro I bought with those winnings. Meeting Hulk Hogan. But nothing compares with the day my Three Wolves One Moon t-shirt arrived.

I happened to be at home that day, as I’d injured myself while shoveling manure at the local horse track. Sitting at the base of my tree house in my favorite resin Adirondack replica chair, I heard the distinctive cry of a lone wolf emanating somewhere on the other side of my parents double-wide trailer.

From around the corner came an enormous, weathered gray wolf. He approached me with a gleam in his eye, stepped off his customized Segway, and dropped a brown package from his dripping maw. I thanked the beast and bid him adieu. Before I could so much as lean over to pick up the package it rose into the air with a loud hum, split open and there before me hovered the Three Wolves One Moon t-shirt.

That was thirteen months ago. Thirteen months of adventures that I can barely describe lest I be labeled a lunatic. A few highlights for the true believers:
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