Midnight Matinee, October 13th

OK, here’s what happened. I noticed the water rising in my bathtub and in the sink. The stopper was nowhere near the tub, so I watched helplessly as the level of the water rose to the rim of the tub and started falling over. This is gonna totally fuck up the carpet! I rush out of the bathroom, slam the door and look back to notice the water level is already two feet high on the glass walls of the bathroom. To the living room! I must save my guns and guitars, at least put them up on the furniture or something. Too late, I’m sloshing around on water to my knees and couch cushions and various detritus are floating past. I have a thought to open the front door to drain all the water from my house, (excellent idea!) and start to wade toward it.

Upon opening the front door, I hear terrible screaming and my friend (who looks very much like Bill Paxton when he had a bit part in the original Terminator movie, so that’s what I’ll call him) goes erratically sprinting through my yard, he’s holding his hands and all four fingers of his left hand have been sheared off and he’s understandable unhappy. Bill Paxton is making a ruckus, running in circles and holding his curiously blood-free stump of a hand, and is totally being a pain in the ass to two other people who are chasing him. A preppy dude (I’ll call him Chad), and a smarmy Eurotrash dude (whose name might as well be Felipe and I just know I’m gonna hate) who are trying to catch Bill Paxton to render him some assistance. I join the chase.

But good old Bill is having none of that. I’m guessing he’s not thinking too straight at the moment because of his recently missing four fingers and manages to knock down me, Chad and Felipe several times as he runs around in circles like the proverbial headless chicken. Chad and I gamely get back up and rejoin the chase, but all of a sudden Felipe is getting indignant because Bill Paxton keeps knocking Felipe down and so Felipe wants to kick the shit out of Bill instead of helping him out. It’s all Chad can do to keep the enraged Felipe from Bill Paxton’s ass and so Bill is not getting any help and is still screaming.

I kick Felipe in the back of the knees while hooking a thumb into his left nostril and wrap him up in a rather clever WWE type submission move and take him down. Now Chad can try to talk Bill Paxton into going into the house so he might lie down until we get an ambulance or something. So I’m on the ground with Felipe (and my thumb still wedged firmly into his left nostril), Chad has the understandably upset Bill Paxton calmed down just a bit and agreeable to going into the house. Of course, Felipe is still being a dick! Eurotrash scum…

Then a short blond girl I’ve never seen before comes upon the scene, whips out a pistol and screeching, fills Chad full of hot lead! Then I reached over most carefully and turned off the alarm clock built into my smart phone. Whew!

I almost always know when I’m dreaming and sometimes I can control these dreams, but usually its just more fun to sit back and watch the show. My mind can come up with the weirdest shit sometimes. This one reminded my of a Benny Hill episode crossed with Pulp Fiction, for some reason. I gotta stop eating chili, liberally dosed with hot sauce, before I go to bed…

2 thoughts on “Midnight Matinee, October 13th

  1. all of your writings are crap. hilarious. You are a waste of time. I can’t even get over this…My Swedish husband doesn’t have to do this bullshit. You crack me up. Really?

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